Why Are We Obsessed With Busyness?
I was in the gym the other day, and I overheard two women talking about how busy they were. One woman talked about her kid’s soccer team, her daughter’s ballet team, their vacation next week, and the plans they had that weekend. The other woman echoed that busy sentiment explaining that they had hockey that night, basketball the next night, and so on. Each of their kids seemed to be doing 3 or 4 different things. I was overwhelmed just hearing about it. The most surprising thing about the conversation was how these women seemed to be bragging to each other about how much they do on a daily basis. It felt like they were trying to one-up each other.
I was astonished at how chaotic their lives felt to me as I was listening in. I wondered if they actually enjoyed their schedule madness or if their kids did. Do we need to have this much going on in order to live happily? Do we force this busyness onto our kids as a status symbol? What are we trying to distract ourselves from?
Even before I overheard this conversation, I have given so much thought to simplicity within our schedule. In my more confident moments, I am grateful for the peace I protect on our nights and weekends. The kids go to school at 8 am, and get home around 3:30. They’re typically in bed by 8, so that leaves 4.5 hours spent together in a day (minus one chaotic hour in the morning).
At other times, I question whether I am keeping my kids from being happier. Even though they have participated in tennis teams, soccer, art classes, etc. I still ask myself (almost daily) if am I doing enough. Should I have a schedule like the ladies I overheard in the gym? Am I projecting my own introverted tendencies onto my children?
When the time is spent shuffling from soccer to swimming, and then scarfing down dinner before bed, where are our priorities? Are we teaching our children that you don’t have to do everything to be worthy? Is the message we’re sending them that they need to be busy to be dignitary? My fear is that by condoning busyness, we’re raising overstimulated perfectionists that can never relax because they feel their worth is dependent on productivity, which leads to anger and resentment.
I could spend hours looping through those two thought processes, but at the end of the day, I know I am doing what’s best for my family and my children’s wellbeing. My kids have the rest of their lives to be busy if that’s what they choose to be. They will go on to join sports teams, art classes, have more hobbies, spend time with friends, etc. But for now, I am going to enjoy the slowness of our schedule. I want to teach my kids to turn into themselves before they take on too much. I want to teach them that when they commit to something, they need to show up, give their all, and enjoy it.
With that, they also need to prioritize solitude and serenity to build up the confidence to be the best version of themselves. The more we stack onto the schedule, the less present and grounded they will be. It transforms from being active to using busyness to distract ourselves from being present as a family, and as individuals.
