Self-Help Books Are Making Us Worse
I like to read. Articles, books, blogs, and magazines… give me all the content. However, I realized something recently. All the self-help reading I do may be making me feel worse. I pick up a book because I identify with the title, or crave an answer that I think that specific book or article will offer. As I read the book, I almost always feel as if I had read something similar already. Meaning, the majority of self-help books say relatively the same thing. However, the harder you’re looking for an answer, the less you’ll recognize the redundancy.
We are overly focused on the problem, magnifying it
Let’s say we are looking for answers to childhood trauma. Books like “It Didn’t Start With You,” or “The Myth of Normal” will all start to sound the same. It’s not your fault. You’re validated in feeling hurt or let down that your childhood didn’t go perfectly, etc. We’re magnifying the issue at hand by desperately seeking an answer- an answer we already know. We are seeking validation and acceptance. Give it to yourself. Don’t look for it in a book. The more we focus on our traumas, the more they will rule our daily lives.
We are stuck in a victim-mode, rather than focusing on the optimism
Using the same example as above, when we’re overly focused on the torture we faced with trauma, we’re overlooking the positivity of our problems. Sure, it’s hard to find beauty in trauma, but there is always an opportunity for optimism. You went through something traumatic. Whether it’s from your childhood, losing a loved one, going through a divorce, etc. The more focused you are on the problem and feeling bad about yourself, the less likely you are to ignite action that will change your life. You’re too busy beating yourself up for it. You have to give yourself the gift of grieving and moving on. Do what you need to do to heal. TAKE ACTION. Believe you deserve better, and you will.
We are selling ourselves short
There is an immense amount of pride to be found in wanting to better yourself. Many people go throughout life never believing they need to change, assuming they’re perfect as is. These are usually the people causing the trauma we’re talking about.
Give yourself a break. The simple intention of bettering yourself goes so much further than “being fixed.” Life is about the journey to bettering ourselves. It will never be complete. I guess it will when we’re dead, but even that I cannot confirm. Acknowledge areas for growth within your life, and believe you deserve compassion and understanding as you make the necessary corrections in life.
Don’t approach a book as if it’s going to be the solution to your problems. No single book will change your life in the entirety you need it to. It may touch on topics that trigger deep reflection, but there is no one-size-fits-all solution to the unique struggles we face. The more we focus on the problem, the more we magnify it. If we’re too focused on the problem, we’ll be blind to the solution. If we’re constantly thinking we need to change more, we’re not paying gratitude for the change we’ve already accomplished. How can we expect more when we’re not appreciating where we are?
